warpednormal's Diaryland
Diary
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boys are like waves
now it all seems so silly
the possessiveness , the jealousy
how those feelings faded, slowly and all at once. like the sound of waves crashing to the shore then drifting back to small spaces of silence in that slow but immediate way.
maybe part of me wishes i didn't go so that i could continue to feel those exciting feelings for him, which in retrospect, were of course only based on a few drunken meetings
i get so attached to the little things that make me like someone. whether its that one joke they said or the way their arms looked when they were holding me or the way they kissed my shoulder
its cliche, but yes, i always, always seem to fall for the "idea" of someone. i piece together the small trivial things i've learned about someone and somehow fill the rest with my fantasy for some perfect kind of love. i attached myself to the idea that because i saw him from across the bar and wanted him bad enough, and got him, that this, this must be true love. i tried to watch the stars with him. i looked up to the sky and said "how fucking beautiful." he said, "I saw two shooting stars just now" and I said "i guess that makes you lucky"
he drunkenly smiled and walked back to our group of friends to talk to his exgirlfriend, who i only found out later was his exgirlfriend as he slyly made his way back to our tent, kissed me on the shoulder and forgot to cuddle me like the night before.
oh, it was lonely but its funny how the waves keep coming to the shore no matter how many times its sent back, i read that in a poem once. it fades, but it always, always comes back.
its funny that this was my first surfing trip. because it made me think about how my thoughts are always looking towards the next one, maybe this time i'll catch it, maybe this time i'll be able to stand
3:37 a.m. - 2013-09-10
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