warpednormal's Diaryland Diary

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i cried all last night again and this morning.
i tried telling vicki about whatever, and all she could come up with is "that's why you shouldn't get so intimate too soon! NOW its too late!"

i left and then balled in her bedroom that smelled of cats and litter and i just felt like shit all over again.
her listening skills are just awful, okay. especially after having a shit ton of lectures on being "with" people rather than judging and preaching and all those negative things. ugh. ugh.

anyway, came home and mom cheered me up a whole lot. telling me about how many tears she shed for boys that just weren't worth it.

i hope to god i never give all of myself again before i truly trust the person.
because i really no longer have the strength to be so goddamn vulnerable.

last night was splendid for the most part. stayed at my brother's for a bit and listened to his best friend's new album. he and his girlfriend were there. i love him, he's so chill and swell. i've had a crush on him since forever and so when i took out the guitar and played him a couple of songs, my main goal was to impress the fuck out of him.

i have a feeling it went well.

other than that, stephen turned out to be just like everyone else. and for some reason, this is hurting more than even david and robert and everyone before them and since.
and i know its because i put so much hope into him. i trusted him with all my heart without knowing him it all. and that's why it hurts so much.

because i can't help but blame myself

11:22 a.m. - 2010-06-26

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