warpednormal's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- - well, after ryan confronted me about the whole blowing people off thing i promised him dinner tonight. and then he told me he snorted cocaine. this, after i've done two lectures on substance abuse. this, from a boy i met two years ago and came up to me with a shy smile. this boy i remember as the boy that wore thick eyeglasses and had helmet cut hair and held rock band and board game parties. all this because the boy he loves doesn't love him back. and sometimes i wonder. if he never had friends like us. friends who wouldn't judge him and accept him and make him realize that there are healthier and more productive ways to cope with shit like this. like talking. like laughing. like running. like sleeping and listening to whitney housten for a couple of days. healthier ways to deal with unrequited love. but i don't know. it was funny because i had a lecture today from the street nurse talking about drugs and how maybe it would be better if they weren't all illegal because of stigma and the black market and all those things. anyway. i don't know what to say. its 1230 am. and i am emotionally drained from that grey's anatomy episode because merideth lost her baby and everyone almost died and all that.
tomorrow i have a day off thank god. i think i might jog again, as i haven't been exercising it what seems months..and i can feel it in my body and especially in my knees and in my toes, this ache and pain that feels just...remedial. i need to get out of this mess of unhealthiness. i sleep for like 4 hours a night. i eat potato chips every day. i exercise so freakin rarely. i drink and smoke on the weekends.i'm talking so much about health promotion but i'm not even promoting health in my own body.
i just need to start....
12:26 a.m. - 2010-05-21 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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