warpednormal's Diaryland Diary

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

-

several friends reached out over the week worried that i'm potentially drifting away from them. not connecting, not coming to the outdoor hangouts they've been planning. it is and it isn't that . the truth is i'm craving to find a tribe more aligned with who i am- people i can feel truly myself with. isn't that what everyone craves so desperately?
the truth is though, i don't even entirely know who i am- what am I craving to belong to? certainly not a church or some familiar bar that i meet the same people at. sometimes i just don't know if i have anyone outside of my family and partner that i can see being in my life forever- that connection is gone with so many of my friends. I do have this one friend, K, who i've always felt strongly wired to. I still remember the first night we met- staring at the moon as she drove me home, and us having the exact same thought that we were destined to be in each other's lives. we just got each other. during university i would come to her house ever week and smoke weed, eat vietnamese sandwiches and laugh until our stomachs hurt. we would talk about everything under the sun- how to move through the universe in a way that made sense to us, about growing up, about all the boys and girls who broke our hearts.

but I haven't seen her in so long. I miss just relaxing in the presence of another woman, feeling understood in that very unique and special way. i haven't exactly felt that with my current group of my friends and that's just the truth i would never admit.

8:21 a.m. - 2021-02-09

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

previous - next