warpednormal's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- - Somewhere between the painful thoughts and the ruminating there was peace. We practiced heart and soul for hours on my new piano, recorded it and sent it to our families. His hands always find a way to my back, softly caressing me while we FaceTime his family and friends back home. It’s my first time meeting all of them- even though we wish we were there in person- soaking in the 30 degree weather, drinking beers by the river, not having a care about Covid because it doesn’t exist in Australia haha. As we were FaceTimeing I see a message pop up from his ex “ Merry Christmas T, I hope...” he doesn’t open it, softly says to himself “why is she messaging me?”. My chest hurts and my stomach aches. I know it probably means little but it still hurts. I try to shake the thoughts away from me. I look at her page- she’s diving, writing intelligent political messages, looking stunning as hell. I remind myself that T is with me. On Christmas Day. In our home. We are watching home alone and drinking all the beers. He holds me in front of all his family, posts the video of us playing piano. My anxieties churn up over and over again but I breathe through them over and over again. 5:47 p.m. - 2020-12-26 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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