warpednormal's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- - all night we stayed awake thinking about the same thing. we had a bit of a disagreement regarding the homeless man who kept sorting through the glass bottles every night. I tried to emphasize that it's not easy to get ahead when you have such little to begin with. that we don't know what he's gone through or what it feels like to be in his body and have his brain, so who are we to judge. he said some mean things about not having as much empathy for people- especially white able bodied men- who basically live in a system that has everything going for them, so why not make the choice to do better. I agreed with aspects of that idea, but I still felt triggered and hurt by the whole conversation. we didn't talk about it during the night but it kept us up. I kept thinking about my values, why I've dedicated my life doing what I do. I feel like I hold two concepts in my head at the same time. 1. we are responsible for our own decisions and choices, and we have the power to make changes in our lives- and we should be held accountable for this. when I look at my work only through this lens, I sometimes begin to get frustrated with my clients- we are giving you every resource we possibly can, why are you still wasting and spending your money and your life on drugs? I try to take the middle ground. That yes, we are responsible for our own choices, but we always need help. we require environments and relationships that allow us to take care of ourselves. we do not live on islands. everything interacts. I planned to talk about this with him over dinner, after he returned from mountain biking. I also spent the whole night wondering if I tended to refrain from telling him how I really thought, because I was afraid of confrontation, and that that would lead to rejection. But he was tired this morning. He said he felt bad for some of the things he said, and spent all night thinking about why he had less compassion for people who looked like him and were in worse situations. I was so glad he brought it up. Sometimes it feels like we have the same minds, that we truly live in the same world, even though we have different perspectives on things. its the balancing out of each other that's keeping us sane. 9:13 a.m. - 2020-05-20 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||