warpednormal's Diaryland Diary

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First Date

My body was filled with the usual tingle that arises before a first date- the first few moments before meeting someone for the first time- when your stomach seems to fall into your butt and a heaviness begins to rest in your heart. He was nothing but a superficial algorithm on my phone up until that point and only a few messages were exchanged before we decided on a date and a place to meet. He suggested a spot in Gastown. It was only a couple of minutes away from my next destination so it was perfect. I wasn't as nervous for this date as I was for the following event. You see, only a couple of weeks prior I had fallen "in love" with some musician who gave me just enough attention to make me fall into my usual habit of chasing after someone not good for me. He invited me to his show that night and I planned to predrink on this date so that i could be somewhat ready to watch the hot douchebag that was playing at the venue next door.

I walked into the restaurant and sent him a text
"I'm here"
Crowds of people lined the waiting area. I struggled to get through and attempt to match the face i saw online.

And there he was. A big smile in the crowd. I could feel my heart race.
He was the definition of what it means to look way better in real life than their photos.
I give him the usual awkward first hug and he leads me to our table- one of those communal tables we have to share with all the hipsters and their brewed beer.
He is shy. Quiet. Awkward. Maybe even nervous, I'm not sure.

I'm insanely good at first dates. I understand its rhythm, its usual pattern. I've been on so many its almost as if i've rehearsed the whole date
"so what do you do"
"I'm a mental health nurse"
"oh wow that must be so challenging but rewarding"
"oh it definitely is but I love it"
and so on and so forth
We fall into that usual rhythm, but with slightly more pauses and glances at other tables to ease the tension.
Eventually he tells me this is his first ever date. First time ever meeting someone online.
He just got out of a relationship of 4 years just two months ago while they were in Mexico together.

My heart sinks. He's certainly not ready. He's probably only looking for a hook up. Or at the very least, there's no way he's over it and ready to date. I imagine the pain it must have been to end a love in the heat and beauty of Mexico. Did they share one last kiss on the sand, the water surrounding their feet as their hearts broke....

As if my reaction was obvious he quickly tells me it was long distance
"It wasn't too difficult of a transition since we were used to being apart"
I tell him quickly about my last relationship and jokingly remark that exes aren't usually talked about on first dates and that should be your first lesson.

Our date ends after a couple of hours. I don't think much of it. he was cute i thought but not much there....

That night I walked to the venue where douchebag was playing. I look for him desperately in the crowd of people waiting for him to come on stage. I want so bad for the man with the guitar to just look at me. My phone buzzes "I had a really nice time tonight. Good night Alex" "
It makes my heart smile, but i think little of it. Just another nice date with a guy I probably won't be that into down the line.

Cue one year later, and everything about you has become fascinating and beautiful. I have no idea where this will go, but I can't believe how little I thought of you after our first date. But every date after gave me little slivers of hope in my heart that maybe, just maybe, this was exactly what i was looking for this whole fucking time.

8:52 p.m. - 2019-10-22

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