warpednormal's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- - I am in one of the worse places of my life right now. I caught an std (albeit, treatable) from a 5 minute sexual encounter with someone in Arizona in which I had to push him out of my vagina once when he didn’t use a condom immediately. Just once he went in and I caught it. I feel so guilt ridden and ashamed. I had sex with a new boy 3 days ago before I found out the results and I had to call him yesterday to tell him he could be infected. He’s been crazy sweet and understanding. He’s actually a dude from my past - Mickey. I was insanely in love with him and now he’s back. He’s still the same boyish charm that I fell for but maybe a bit less wushu washy? More present, more attentive, I’m in Toronto right now for a youth conference. I wish I could join it more but I got the results yesterday and I haven’t been able to focus. I know how common it is, how contagious it is but now I’m anxious about more terrible stds- even though it’s unlikely. Ugh. Anyway, I saw a therapist last week. He’s great- I haven’t been totally honest about all of the guilt I’m holding. I’m trying to tell myself I simply just need to do better- much better than I’ve ever been. I want to be the kind of person who can help others on the street without hesitation. I want to go back to yoga, meditate, dance and just take care of myself... I need it now more than anything 10:38 p.m. - 2018-06-05 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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