warpednormal's Diaryland Diary

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

-

a click bait list-icle reporting on the ways in which binge drinking no longer looks cute somehow led me to a woman's blog on recovery and sobriety and a youtube video about spirituality and living one's truth.
this week has been rough. my clients have been walking into the clinic high out of their minds, shooting up heroin in front of me. its been overwhelming and spirit breaking. i never know if i'm going to ever be fully prepared for this. escaping pain is all most people know how to deal with life. i get it. i drank a bottle of wine last night but did it in the company of friends and so it felt normal. but of course it also felt good to feel loose and not agitated and worried about my work. i get it
i'm not shooting up crystal meth but i'm always looking for ways to not feel what i feel. it is exhausting and uncomfortable and painful to be human a lot of the time.
this is why i avoid meditation.
this is why i let myself get lost in thought and fantasies about how my life should look like

the present moment sucks, but the only way is through it.

8:15 p.m. - 2016-10-28

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

previous - next