warpednormal's Diaryland Diary

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So, the mindfulness based stress reduction program is going on. I can't seem to get myself to feel very connected with the instructor or the people there. my expectations unfortunately were quite high. i think this is because at the Shambhala centre the teachers were always so inspiring and funny and amazing and the people there were also so easy to connect to in that instant soul grounding way. i guess i kind of expected that to happen during this program.....

but maybe that's just me searching for something outside of myself to fix what's inside. which is what i do. like all the time.

the program constantly asks me to simply notice. notice the irritability, the thoughts, the expectations. nothing is wrong or invalid. no meditation session is inherently wrong in terms of what is experienced. everything you feel while sitting, you'll feel in your real life. in fact, this isn't about escaping life.
its about being with it. noticing it

noticing it and just letting it be. so maybe its good that this program isn't that amazing, inspiring thing that i expected it to be. maybe that expectation is something i simply need to notice and let be. maybe i need to be curious about why i had all these stories in my head about what this program would be all about....until there's no longer a story. just the realization that all is as it should be.

10:35 p.m. - 2015-02-10

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