warpednormal's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- - I guess you could surmise i may be going through some sort of depressive episode at the moment, even though I'm still able to get out of bed and exercise and go to work and even meditate . and yet there's a swirling sense of dread in my mind. i feel my chest tighten, and i tell myself its a chakra or some sort of feeling that hasn't been processed yet, and yet i can't seem to get out of the same habitual thought patterns. i mean, i'm beginning to think i have a slight case of an obsessive compulsive personality. like, i can't seem to get one worry out of my mind until another one comes stumbling in. like, i can't seem to get one sentence or one situation out of my mind until its been thought over at least 42 times a day. i mean, there are good days. even good moments in each day that give me hope. like in yoga, the first 15 minutes i was freaking out about something but the constant breathing and movement just forced me out of it, albeit with some major resistance. anyway, what i'm trying to say is i have hope. i have hope that i can improve. that i can do some personal cbt and mindfulness to slowly get me out of this rut. this rut that i have been digging myself into for 25 years. a rut that manages to go from deep to shallow each day. 10:24 p.m. - 2015-01-29 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||