warpednormal's Diaryland Diary

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reflecting back on the year, yes, it was filled with a lot of toxic ruminating and shitty anxiety, but ultimately, it has been okay. i learned what it was like to have a somewhat consistent boyfriend. i didn't have any one night stands. i landed a temporary full time job that has done wonders to my paycheque. i'm learning to be slightly more realistic about my mistakes.. in that they are not the end of the world. i'm learning, learning, learning...
today i achieved a lot, even though i came home and called myself a fuckin idiot for forgetting to do a couple things (i'm' noticing this is a bit of a pattern), but i later remembered all the good i've done today. i held a goal setting group that seemed really effective for my patients. i helped my patient get off a particularly terrible medication for him, which he appreciated deeply. i eventually asked the doctor for something even if i felt a little anxious about it.
i mean, overall, everything went well. i treated my patients to the best of my damn ability.
and yet i come home thinking about the things i've missed and how that might look to the other nurses. how badly i want to be seen as competent, good enough.
and yet, this constant comparison i make with other people kills me.
gotta learn to compare myself to where i was. because look, i've done a lot today. i've even managed to get out of my anxiety for longer periods. way longer than i ever have.
and that my friend
is something

10:08 p.m. - 2015-01-02

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