warpednormal's Diaryland
Diary
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this will be my third (maybe fourth) laptop given to me by my brother from the flea market. i'm hoping this lasts longer than 3 months. kinda like my next romantic relationship. if i ever happen to get one.
things have been pretty okay. like, keeping busy with union work and worrying about silly things. i went to a mindfulness therapist the other day and we spoke about some things i felt extremely guilty about, things i had no intention of bringing up but allowed to anyway. she told me i should try holding on to my heart and stomach when feelings of guilt or pain come up. she asked me to try to "care for the fear and pain," like a struggling child you want to comfort. like a helpless baby that needs to be held. and when anxiety comes up, look at it and say "oh there you are again my funny friend."
yesterday i went to this human rights conference and one of the speakers who had his PHD in something philosophical and translated a bunch of rumi's poems talked about this Hawaiian practice in which whenever you see yourself judging someone you immediately say to yourself "I'm sorry, please forgive me, thank you, I love you."
apparently this psychiatrist worked in some stingy, terribly run forensic hospital and used this practice. after some time, everything started to improve. even the paint stopped coming off the walls.
anyway, who knows. maybe its something i can try at work since judging seems to have become a basic necessity for surviving as a nurse in psychiatric ward. constantly treating the "drug addicts, the hookers, the marginalized, the alcoholics" as less than. as if we've forgotten that these people that we so often judge come from experiences that we may have never survived. traumatized, guilted, hurt, and on top of that, lets judge them too. god damn.
we're so tough on ourselves and yet we forget that the world and that its people can be so much tougher on each other.
10:28 a.m. - 2014-12-05
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