warpednormal's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- - its amazing how we've become so accustomed to this underlying level of persistent sadness. i'm right there with you too. that anxiety and unease that fogs every experience. "uncentered" as they call it. how normal it has become for everyone to just hate themselves, so naturally, so easily. maybe its because our mother left us in our cribs sobbing, that supremely impressionable time in our lives spent feeling abandoned, unloved, un-nurtured. our parents, so afraid we would become spoiled little rotten babies thought it best from the baby books to leave us in our strollers and cribs and little play pens that may have felt closer to a prison than a place of warmth and love. I read this book called the "continuum concept," and this psychotherapist describes how she spent years living with a tribe in South America and discovered how different civilized children were compared to the ones here. They rarely cried, they never had tantrums, the children supported each other and never complained. The first 8 months of their lives these babies would be attached to their mothers without fail. They would experience the tribulations of the world, the rivers, the bumps, the ups, the downs of the world but in the safe embrace or backs of their mothers. They would discover that the world had its discomforts but that it was ultimately safe because you were loved and taken care of just as you were. Then, you would learn to crawl. Your mother would set you free, leave you to discover the world with abandon and free to return to your mother as needed...but never more so than was required. The mothers never coddled their babies or gave them unequal amounts of attention just because they were "their" children. They allowed them the freedom to see and touch the world and return as they pleased. These children were never ever forced to help around the homes or run errands or go off hunting. They knew this would come from their natural desire to contribute to their community. Perhaps we've lost that, i don't know. I do not want to victimize myself though, convince myself that I am simply a product of my upbringing and circumstance, which is why i hate myself so much. Although, this has some truth to it. But the idea that we don't have to power to alter our situations because we were simply born this way does not sit right with me. Blaming our outside circumstances whether it be the way our family brought us up, our race, our sexuality, our gender will do nothing but keep us in the throes of powerlessness. The only way we can learn to love ourselves is if we take responsibility for our lives, our actions, our choices....
who knows really. maybe everyone's journey is to figure out a way to their natural selves. that connection with nature, with the divine, with that thing that will keep us "centered" as they call it. whether its learning to listen to our instincts more, carrying that baby when she cries, going to therapy, or simply listening to our bodies... 12:30 a.m. - 2014-11-19 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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