warpednormal's Diaryland Diary

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

-

Sigh.
this box is bigger.
i've been on this site for what, 7 years and nothing has changed, and now this
my question marks aren't working on my laptop so please assume i'm meaning to write one when the sentence sounds like a question
:
also my parenthesis don't work and that was a smile :
that too

haha. oh things are okay. i slept with mike again. i slept with james again. i felt sad that james didn't personally invite me to the camping trip this weekend even if he did on Facebook, and i know that's silly. i felt sad that mike didn't invite me over last night even though i implied i needed his shower. i know i've made my own bed. i didn't commit to either of these men and i have no right to expect anything out of them, and yet here i am�expecting shit.

what is there to say other than i never know what i want. will i know once i find it
who knows
i read this thing about how before we turn 7 we operate through our subconscious mind, that everything we see and experience before that age gets programmed into us. so that by now all of our beliefs and truths have been established by what has been programmed into us by media, our parents, everything we hear, see and experience..
and i thought well, maybe that's why i'm always constantly ruminating over what other people think of me. maybe that's why i'm constantly catastrophisizing everything. i mean, i'm glad it doesn't seriously debilitate my ability to live as i see it do to my my patients..but boy, do i create so much suffering in my mind. all of its programmed. thoughts repetitive and habitual and redundant. i know its not too late to change. maybe i'll purchase some hypnosis tapes i don't know..
anyway,
that's it for now

peace

4:22 p.m. - 2014-10-02

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

previous - next