warpednormal's Diaryland Diary

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I told the truth, i owned up to my mistake and yet my body is still filled with this worry, this anxiety. even when i come to a place where i feel at peace with my decision the worry creeps up from behind and smashes me in the back with its tight fist. how does one calm this monkey mind? of course, at this point, i'm rather happy to deal with this worry than the regret of not admitting my mistake. i understand that this decision ultimately makes me a better person, someone that isn't going to sweep things under the rug even though its easier and other people tell me to. it's hard and i'm scared of the consequences. but also proud

i listened to that little voice. and what she's telling me once again, albeit quietly, is that i'm going to be okay. as soon as i quiet my restless mind she's there, comforting me, her hand rubbing the small of my back, gently watching my worry with a smile and whispering� You, darling, you're okay.

you've always been. /////


James was at the hospital last night. his father had shingles and was in excruciating pain. he's had a crapload of medical issues that i won't go into detail about. he asked me to come down for a hug and i did, the kind of oxytocin inducing long hugs that leave you breathless and full of air. i don't long for him the way i used to, but i still feel a deep amount of appreciation and love that he still remains in my life this way. of course, it took him to break up with his girl to have me back in his life. but i'll take it. i admit though, when i'm horny, he is who i think about..and if i were to be completely honest with myself, i would totally have sex with him again. haha

12:02 p.m. - 2014-04-22

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