warpednormal's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- - i'm writing this during a rare moment where my mind feels still. this last week has been absolutely torturous in that i've been ruminating and obsessing over the most silliest things at work. little mistakes i've made that are continuously running through my brain over and over and over again like a tape being played during a torture session. its hard to stop it once it starts even though my meditation teacher said i should simply recognize it breathe it and let it go. and jesus said "why should i not drink the cup that has been given to me" (something like that). and yes, all these things are helping but none of them are completely working. and yes, its my choice in the end. to ruminate or use my thoughts towards acceptance but its not an easy road, i tell you.
i also went to church today for the first time in possibly 5 months. i built a cocoon in my mother's bed and hoped desperately that she would understand my cry that i simply could not go to church today. because i'm too busy thinking...thinking..thinking about this thing. and yet she tugged at me softly, said, "give it to the lord." and no, i don't believe in religion. but there is something. this force and that thing we will never fully understand. its that energy that boundless infinite something in this world that we can place all our burdens onto. and if we can just get ourselves out of bed. we'll be okay 9:47 p.m. - 2014-04-18 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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