warpednormal's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- - Turns out Tim is a friend of my ex, James. He's only the guy who completely took up all my entries in 2012. This is all going quite fast. How did I suddenly land myself a boyfriend who has the decency to ask my ex for his blessing (which he gave, "enthusiastically")? There are things. there are things that are keeping me from fully feeling this. like how maybe in a small way, i loved the fact that James got to know about all this in real time. Although my feelings for him are not a smidgen of how intense they were back in the day when all my entries revolved around him, I still think about him every day. I can't imagine a life in which he isn't my first love. The romance that took every inch of my heart and crushed it into tiny little pieces, in that very typical first love lost fashion. I will always love him. Even as I gathered the pieces and fit them back slowly together, even as i waded through darkness and jealousy and bitterness, there was not a day that I did not love. him. Maybe a huge part of why I can't get lost in Tim is because I know I will never love him in that same way. i'm meeting James for lunch thursday. Tim knows and tells me he's the "least jealous person in the world." which i appreciate and need. because i'm hoping to god there isn't a reason for him to be so 3:19 a.m. - 2014-01-22 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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