warpednormal's Diaryland Diary

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drained. the kind of tired that comes from sitting on your couch all day and that wave of laziness and absolute fatigue rides you all the way to 8pm. the perfect time to go to bed. am i really 24?
I'm seeing a boy named Tim, who's nice, "better than most," says one of his best girl friends. He has this certain kind of loud obnoxiousness that i guess comes from people constantly agreeing with him, because he is pretty convincing. i do see a bit of an anger issue, he can be sarcastic and mean when it comes to people he works with or works for. but he really likes me, in that kind of "lets plan for road trips now," and this and that. unfortunately, he never wants children. i guess, that would make him the guy for now and not for ever.
which is fine.

anyway, i'm tired. finished reading "everyday zen," which was an incredibly difficult one. not the kind of self-help book that shoves positive affirmations down your throat as if by looking at your awful face in the mirror and telling yourself that you're not, indeed, that awful..could actually change the world. instead, she talks about letting yourself feel and be every emotion that comes up. instead of narrating it in your head as an emotion that shouldn't happen, allow it to happen. feel the tightening in your chest and the pain in your head. notice the way your breath gets more shallow when you see him talk to someone else. notice notice notice.
and realize that it isn't you. its nothing but an experience in this crazy old thing we're so lucky to be in..life.
been trying to meditate every day, 30 minutes in the morning. its not easy, just sitting there. but i guess that's the whole point

6:27 p.m. - 2014-01-18

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