warpednormal's Diaryland Diary

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the practice of non attachment.
its what the say, at least the buddhists do, is the path to no suffering. i talk about it a lot, i think about it a lot, the idea of letting go of the outcome and just, well be.
i tried it with this guy
as soon as i saw him from across the bar, i knew i had to be with him. he looked a bit like mickey, with the hat and the height and the way he rambled. we walked cross parks and downtown streets. he says he's a nurse, moving to the Yukon in a couple to make a lot of money and quit this crazy scene. then he's coming back to buy a house. he's someone i could fall for because i found myself trying to impress him, and getting jealous when he bonded with a girlfriend. although i'm starting to see that love should be about being yourself with someone and feeling that acceptance and comfort. anyway, i've only known him for two weeks. says i'm special. says he's gonna pay half of my ticket to the yukon so we can watch the northern lights

he leaves today and my heart isn't breaking. maybe its because he's not my type. maybe its because i don't know him that well. but maybe it because i'm learning how to let go of how i think things should happen. i'm willing to trust that if i continue to follow my heart and truth that things will fall into place the right way. and shit, that's cheesy, but maybe that "shit, that's cheesy" thought comes from a place of fear and bitterness. this cynicism is only a wall.

anyway, things have been rather peaceful. still anxious about the same things, but its okay. because every day, every single fucking day, something beautiful happens. we just gotta open up our eyes and check it out

9:40 a.m. - 2013-09-02

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