warpednormal's Diaryland Diary

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right, so i ended it with james the other night. said "i'm going through some things' and he's like.."i was quite surprised you're single, you seem like a really cool girl"
and i laughed because maybe it was something i wanted to hear
shit though
i've been so fixated on romantic love being the only kind of love that could make me happy that i forgot how much love i have otherwise. helling went to my choir concert last night even though it was cheesy and we talked about our one night stands over cheap free wine and mini sandwiches. we then went to the roxy for country night, and for the first while i was so incredibly happy. some song about a rolling mama and all these young people together on a sunday night made me feel so damn happy.
and then i had a drink and he came back into my thoughts and it was all sorts of lame. sitting alone at the bar, walking away when some guy lamely attempts to start some conversation. it got lonely.
and just like most nights i walked home alone and drenched

its all so silly though

i texted mickey under the pretense of wondering how he's been. said he's been okay.
i guess that's a good whack in the face in the form of... alex, girl, you gotta let him go.

i do feel like i have. but under drinks and one night flings, i really do miss having someone i actually know and have that romantic sweetness with

but the truth is, i'm totally putting it on a pedestal. like this "romantic sweetness" is this thing that every single couple has and is this blanket of security that allows for immense happiness. and its keeping me from feeling love in other forms. friends, creativity, family whatever. and i need to let it go. its not just mickey or james i need to let go of, its this fixation on romance and sweetness.. that its this solution to everything

its not

1:54 p.m. - 2013-06-24

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