warpednormal's Diaryland Diary

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so i'm sick. not in the you should really call in sick for work kind of sick, but in the i really cannot bear the thought of work and my throat is sore enough and i'm coughing so i'm going to call in sick anyway. which i did. twice

had a 3 hour walk with the girlfriend, thinking it would make me feel better. but i'm still on the ridiculously depressed/anxious level that seems to strike me every time i think i'm getting better. reading 3 books at once is my only current comfort. checking my phone every 15 minute for a message from boys that don't deserve me is getting fucking old.

i wish i believed in karma. i wish i believed that the amount of times david has hurt me would only mean that one day it would come back to him. but truth is, i probably will never know. i only know him through photos anyway, photos of his love receiving flowers and birthday cakes while i foolishly wait for some kind of response to my agreeing to be his rebound if it meant, being with him.

i am honestly not ashamed. i am not ashamed of loving someone this much, even though it makes me look pathetic. but goddamnit, universe/karma/god/randomness..give me some kind of support here.

or maybe i should be more ashamed. i don't know

6:58 p.m. - 2013-03-18

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