warpednormal's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- - sometimes my throat tightens and little trickles of tears form behind my eyes when i think about J. i am getting much better at getting out of that space though by thinking about how little real chemistry we technically had. we really had good love. i mean, the physical kind. we had amazing desire for one another, we were both extremely romantic and in love with love. we really loved loving the love we had for one another. but i had to force out the dreams i had for myself to him, had to pepper it with parts that weren't entirely me in an attempt to what...impress him? he always spoke so freely about himself, and there was a sense of intimacy in that but I just couldn't find the space to be that way with him when i think about mickey or fraser, all i can think about is that incredible sense of ease that i feel. like i can be boring or weird or fucking smart and not feel intimidated. i speak so freely i laugh so freely when i'm with them. and maybe it has nothing to do with them. maybe its me who's changed. i do feel different, more confident, the anxiety that used to tighten my entire being has let me loose a little bit. and although i still feel confused and unsure, i am most definitely not where i was 6 months ago. and for fucks sake. i'm thankful 1:32 p.m. - 2013-01-14 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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