warpednormal's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- - I ended things this time. told him i no longer wanted him to feel guilty about being with me. and guilty about not being with me. it was time for me to end it. spilled my entire life story to my co workers before i decided on when and where i was to this. he didn't. afterwards, we hugged to porky pig's blue christmas because its kind of our song. spent new year's eve/new year's high on mdma and probably meth (it was new shit) and had the best night of my life. spoke of beautiful and ugly and miserable and mundane things with some australian i met in line. we cuddled. did the same thing all over again the next night. patted myself in the back for not texting james the entire time. the next night i had to start packin for mexico. james came over to hang out with rob. i hated it. he sent me a text after with a song called "somebody i used to know" by gotye and said "i know it will take some time, but i really don't want to become somebody that you used to know." i read each line of those lyrics carefully and cringed when i realized the words generally spoke of him being okay with us breaking up. told him i had no idea what our future looked like but i appreciated everything we had (some superficial bullshit like that) spent a week in cancun with two couples and a very unsingle best friend. cried myself to sleep some nights wishing james was with me holding my hand, walking with me in the warm sand, zip lining with me across a jungle, experiencing the most amazing night club in the world... got sick for 5 of the days. couldn't drink. and trying to remember how to love myself. and my life. and how blessed i am to be in fucking cancun with some of my best friends. so, i'm back. i gave in and sent him a youtube video of a wicked cover of the song. then he gave me a fucking call and i answered. listened to his voice and immediately wished i didn't. it felt like he didn't even miss me. and i know that's crazy, because he must have. i keep imagining him with another girl...some girl named justine who left him notes that he left on his fridge asking him not to be shy and to hang out and probably fuck her. i hate that i saw those notes and i'm thinking about them. i just want to forget it. i just want him to be somebody that i used to know. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d9NF2edxy-M 11:19 p.m. - 2012-01-11 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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