warpednormal's Diaryland Diary

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lucero love

in beautiful news, however, i hugged the sweaty body of a rock god and i squirted beer out of my nose in front of him out of sheer joy. he was still flattered though, and it was truly one of the most surreal nights of my life.

he's real close to my brother's friends, in fact, he showered at my brother's friend's place before he played the show. and to me, that was like, the biggest deal in the world, that i could potentially hang out with him for real.
unfortunately i had clinical the next morning though, so none of that could take place :( and i totally came to work hungover and on 2 hours of sleep. hell yeah it was worth it.

haha. jer's party was alright. of course i was as charming as ever. i mean, i had to be, seeing his arms all around her waist like that. i made it as obvious as possible that i was avoiding him, and i wasn't even sure he was really going out with her. as soon as she sat on his lap though and he asked her when she wanted to leave...well, that was it. apparently she asked victor if she could, and she told her that..well, me and her aren't exactly close friends so do what you want. do what you want at the expense of my best friend's heart, she pretty much said!!! seeing it wasn't that bad though. given that in the past year that he has known me he has not once asked me out, and at about 60-70% of my time knowing him he has had a girlfriend...well, i get the picture. and its old. its pretty funny that the first time we ever hooked up was at jeremy's birthday last year. and finally, i can say that i think i'm done. honestly. i think

i slept with a guy i didn't want to though and i closed my eyes through most of it. it was awful, and i'm awful. some of it was loneliness some of it was alcohol some of it was just looking forward to having a naked body next to me through the rest of the night
but there was this other boy who completely turned me on and made me smile. of course he has a girlfriend. it didn't stop him from following me to the bathroom though and quickly finger fucking me before i could even push him away and cry out that i couldn't be another mistake. i mean, look where that has left me.

i am so fucked up and retarded in terms of my sexual behaviour i don't even know how i can handle myself. how i'm going to handle a real relationship, with real meaningful sex when this...this is all i've ever known.

5:11 p.m. - 2010-12-04

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