warpednormal's Diaryland Diary

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-boy. after. boy

tired as all hell. thinking about patients and depression and communication and all that.
i'm trying very hard to leave my work...at work. but it gets difficult sometimes. its hard not letting this stuff get to you.

all i can say about today is.

it really is a small world.

still sad about stephen. cried a lot last night because i started thinking about all the boys that have done essentially the same kind of thing to me. of course, its hard not to think that it's my fault. that i'm the one doing something wrong. but i just can't figure it out. he said quite clearly that he'd love to take my out kayaking or whatever at some point...so was it really wrong of me to believe him? am i really that stupid for hoping. but i mean, i'm glad he didn't lead me on for too long. we only went on a handful of dates, and although they were quite amazing in my naive and hopeful eyes, i guess he just didn't feel the same way.

basically. i'm gonna have to go and buy that bike myself :)


(there's still so much truth to this entry i wrote a couple months ago: i'm terrified, absolutely terrified of falling in love. because you know what, i can say with all honesty, i have never, ever been in love before. and yet despite all that i've felt my heart rip and tear and shred to pieces by men who care little, and fuck a lot. so , yeah. what's going to happen once i fall in love? once i give my heart completely, once someone loves me back even for a bit. well yeah. i might just die )

4:57 p.m. - 2010-06-23

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