warpednormal's Diaryland Diary

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look: its 11:11!

we talked about suicide in class today.
it was heavy, but it feels a lot heavier now, now that i'm home and alone and thinking about it all.
a bunch of us went to watch Prince of Persia, I think, in an attempt to clear out our minds of these heavy topics and thoughts.
although, i have to say, jake gyllenhall just wasn't shirtless enough to really do the trick.
its so new and bizzare that i have to now go in and ask my patients whether or not they are having 'suicidal thoughts' or questions like, 'do you feel like life is worth living?'
i guess its our job to be comfortable in the uncomfortable.
i'm scared though. i mean, if a class about suicide is this emotionally draining, how terrible must it be to be with a patient, a person undergoing such pain and sorrow and plain awfulness in their lives? how can i possibly know where to begin? how can I, when i know very little about those kinds of dark and hopeless emotions. i don't know. i'm just...worried. what right do i have to know these things and be so into and involved in a person's thoughts and emotions and everything. i don't know.

anyway.
steven called again, we're going out tomorrow.
i'm very excited.
today i imagined him buying me a bike for my birthday because he mentioned that we should go biking along this trail one time together.
i don't know if this is delusional or grandiose thinking.
but.
i can't stop these thoughts. as much as i want to.

11:11 p.m. - 2010-06-08

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