warpednormal's Diaryland Diary

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

-

okay. here's the truth.

i am scared. i am absolutely terrified of growing up, of giving up, of tomorrow, of failing nursing school, of being hated.

taylor swift said that being fearless is not about not being afraid, its about going for it despite being afraid.

and i thought, wow. that girl is one smart cookie. and she plays the guitar. and she's blond. and she's famous. LUCKY.

sorry, that thought process didn't turn out too well.

anyway. i bought two green tops for saturday's st. patrick's party. i'm scared that once i get some alcohol in me i'll scream into tommy's ear and ask him why he is so repulsed by me? do i smell? do i reek of obsessiveness and asshole like behaviour? i don't know. i would like to know why he hates me so much.

david texted me and said he's looking forward to seeing me again because its been too long. he probably had some sort of fight with his girlfriend.

i'm always the girl these boys turn to when their girlfriends treat them like shit. but then i feel like shit. but also pretty good about myself, because they like, chose me or something?

i am truly messed up.
and i have so many things to do, and so many things i am anxious about but i have to go and face them anyway. when all i really want to do is feel skinny and lie on a mattress next to a large body of water and sleep for a couple of hours.

that is exactly what i want to do.
but first.

there's this paper, and this agape leading, and this sock drive, and this open mic next saturday, and this party this saturday, and the lab exam, and 8 more clinical days with an instructor who might fail me because i'm sucking so bad, and the other paper and...omfgwtf.

my head hurts.
this entry sucks :(

8:44 p.m. - 2010-03-18

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

previous - next