warpednormal's Diaryland Diary

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you're fucking 20 years old...

finally returned all his cds, i didn't actually think it would come as such a relief to get rid of the last bit of him in my life.
but seeing him again, for real, haha..it made me want to punch myself in the face.

Dan: well, you know. i've been trying to take care of myself. i'm getting old, you know, so i'm not drinking anymore

EXCUSE ME. you're fucking 20 years old. i just laughed inside because i knew right then and there that we are ridiculously different from one another....to the point where he makes me want to vomit inside of my mouth because of how lame he is.

i know i'm being mean and shallow, but seriously? we are only young once.

and these last few months, hanging out with boys who know exactly what that means has really ... i don't know...changed me.

i have to say, kajra, is truly one of the most amazing girls i know. you know how most people take your shitty ass problems and just dump it on the ground and remind you of what a big fool you are for having such problems in the fist place...well, kajra doesn't do that. i try to talk to vicki about something that i am fully aware of is stupid and incredibly pointless...y'know, david..and well, she reminds me that it is stupid of me..i mean i do get support and love..but i'm still in the same place as i was before.

kajra takes my problems and puts them somewhere else...in a new light, in a perspective that is bigger than the problem itself. its hard to explain but...

here's what she told me last night..i mean, there's a whole lot more. a whole lot more beauty in the words she has written to me than any one else can possibly understand.

Kajra Kali Nayan [ --*hunniee.brownn` ] ---Malicious Bloodlust.* says:
Yes I totally agree. I think one of the most key things to happiness is self acceptance. If you think about it, in the end--the very very end-- all we have is ourselves to rely on. For choices, for strength, even when we have loving friends and family it is us who make the decisions to do things and take positive steps. So it makes sense that we should nurture ourselves and trust that we know ourselves well enough to feel our feelings and deal with our shortcomings and everything else
Kajra Kali Nayan [ --*hunniee.brownn` ] ---Malicious Bloodlust.* says:
And where your feelings for David are concerned, I think you're absolutely correct. Yes you have strong feelings, and perhaps you don't know David that well. But does that really have to have a negative connotation to it? No, of course not. Whether you view it as negative or positive, in the end they are still your feelings. Once you've accepted them as they are, then you decide whether you want to make decisions toward changing that part of the way you interact with other people or not. =)

4:51 p.m. - 2010-02-24

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