warpednormal's Diaryland Diary

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PROGRESS folks

okay, i have an excuse for developing a slightly obsessive LIGHT-HEARTED obsession with ben.

I'M IN A PROGRAM WITH 82 GIRLS AND 8 BOYS. 4 of which are about the age of my father. OKAY FOLKS!

so anyways, i just found out that he and i take the same bus, which was totally awesome because i figured i could just stare at him light-heartedly from a distance... Unfortunately, he kept catching me eye-raping him, because everytime i'd catch his eye i'd turn my head right away as OBVIOUSLY AS FREAKIN HUMANLY POSSIBLE. utter fail. anyway, he said Bye when he left, which was enough for my sympathetic nervous system to just SHOOT UP THE EFFING ROOF (we're learning about the autonomic nervous system right now..so, yeah.) i need some beta blockers.

however, today, as i was walking into my row to sit, he literally had his bare feet on the seat beside me (he was on the row behind me) and i was like "that's..attractive" and he was like "what, what? you think these feet aren't attractive?" and I was like "hahaha that's what i said..they're very attractive."

PROGRESS folks. but it would be nice to have a real conversation. or sex. preferably, both.

my goodness though. you really have no idea how truly attractive this man is. even close up, there is absolutely no sign of any blemishes or imperfections. in the way his skin is slightly tanned or the way his arms show the slight veins or the way you can just TELL how extremely fit and slender he is underneath his blue polo shirts. and his mind. holy shit, his mind. you just KNOW he's got a mind you'd love to dig into.

or maybe, and more likely. i'm just insane.

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one of the patients the other day drew me a picture of a river surrounded by a couple of trees and above it was a drawing of one of those Aboriginal masks. He called it, "moon river," and he told me how much he loves it when i play that song for them, and how he wishes he could just "keep me" for anytime he needs me. i'm loving the music therapy. it's the first time in a long time that i'm actually seeing real results. and i'm not even trying.



pills and music. maybe that's really all we can do about our mental problemos. so, i think i'm going to go write a song about ben.

5:59 p.m. - 2009-09-25

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