warpednormal's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- - people can be very ignorant and horrible sometimes. but i'll deal with it. the doctor said that i don't actually have...fuck. i'll say it..herpes. that the test results came back negative.she was so goddamn indifferent about everything though, i hated it. even her secretary exuded assholeness. she was all "omg...your dad is here? does he know...omg." and I'm like "yes, he knows. its been hard to deal with this alone." and then she was like "oh god. at least he's understanding. if not, we'd be like *makes self choking gesture" i don't know if i should find that offensive, but going through a disease like this one, even if it isn't fatal, isn't something i've ever laughed about. the gyn I saw, however, was incredibly understanding. she asked me about my history and i told her about the wisdom tooth that was taken out, about how i broke up with my boyfriend, how the pain and the burning and the itchiness hasn't stopped in over a month, how i got accepted into nursing...and she just listened and i started crying and she asked me why i was crying in the most sweetest voice in the world, and i really wanted to just sink into the arms of someone. it was harsh. Anyways, false negative tests are very common in swab tests so i'm not sure what to think. i'll get a blood test in a couple of months to ensure the antibodies have already formed, if in fact, i do have it. it really sucks saying it, because everyone regards it as this terrible and horrid thing. but its really just a skin condition, and usually people don't even have any symptoms. i was just the unlucky few who did (if i do, in fact, have it). and the breakouts are supposed to stop completely over time. its just that its been hurting like crazy over the past 5 weeks. i haven't been able to sleep properly at all in that time. i know people regard it as a disease only for the promiscuous and i agree, that i should have been more careful. but i've already cried enough over it, and i'm ready to move on. whether or not i have it. anyway, pain is slightly more bearable today. I also just wanted to say that I feel SO lucky to be living in a country where I don't have to pay a dime for staying in the hospital over night. that i don't have to pay anything for the loads of fairly expensive medication i've been getting this past few weeks. i feel very lucky in that regard.. love always 12:46 p.m. - 2009-07-29 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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