warpednormal's Diaryland Diary

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argh.

I slept with him. and the entire time i thought about jordan. and as i laid down beside him, naked, and confused I told him that i still had feelings for somebody else. i don't know if its true. i don't know if its just because i feel more comfortable with jordan now that we've been going out for a month. i guess i cheated on him. i guess. but i told him that i want to see other people, i just never thought i would sleep with anyone else. and now i feel like absolute shit. and i don't know what to do really. other than break it off with both of them before this shit explodes in my face.


I spent just about the ENTIRE day in his bed watching the office and lost. he told me how insecure he was over his body, how his mother used to criticize him all the time about his weight and how she doesn't pay child support. and all at once i felt like the man in the relationship. especially because, i don't want this thing to last. and i had to be an asshole and tell him that my parents were all around awesome people. gahd. i don't know.


But i think i'm addicted to being addictive. i like it when boys crave me and need every inch of me all the time. and its been happening too often and too easily as of late. and i just .. need some.. lots of time alone.

6:50 p.m. - 2009-05-20

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