warpednormal's Diaryland Diary

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I never realized how much i change my mind until now. I can't make decisions. I'm in a constant battle with my choices. I can't seem to believe in myself anymore. i don't feel good enough for anything. i had a nervous breakdown today because I couldn't see myself applying for starbucks because i don't believe that I could ever be good with coffee because i have no experience. what is wrong with me? and i know it takes me forever to learn things. it took me forever to learn how to ride a bike, to swim, to sing, to study. and i know its going to take me forever to learn anything. and i hate it. i hate how everyonce sees me as this incompetent dependent little girl and i can't take it. i hate how everything is just falling apart. being rejected by the two schools I applied for only justified my extreme lack of being good at anything. i hate how bad i am at english and how I can't fully describe how terrible i'm feeling. and low. and gahd. dammnit.

Matt, the sex guy, he asked me if i was bipolar because i kept changing my mind. and then he proceeded to tell me that I should just be more confident in myself, and in my abilites, because no one else will. then my mom told me not to eliminate myself from things before others do.

.i just wish i believed in myself a bit more. maybe even learn to love myself.

I'm signing off for awhile.

bye.

8:27 p.m. - 2009-05-13

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