warpednormal's Diaryland Diary

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everytime i look at old pictures, i feel like i'm looking through a different person's life. i once wanted to be the girl who only had pictures of herself drinking and smoking and having fun. priding herself in the parties and the forgotten nights and the gossip girl glamour and whatever. . and now that i have that, i find myself looking at my older ones. they weren't that long ago... of me planting trees, and running bottle drives, and karaoke, and eating chips and pop, and riding skytrains, and being happy in another, real way. of a time when i wondered what kissing might feel like, what making love might be like. when i wonered how I would feel when I fall in love.

and i still dream of dying in the arms i love, leaving them with words so beautiful and so dreadful. or something.

he told me that he never had the "love feelings" for me, that he doesn't have any "intense feelings" for me. that he's okay with being just friends. that shit happens. and so i wonder if the hand holding, and the fruit loop sharing, and the late night drives to 7-11, and the kenny vs. spenny marathons meant ANY SHIT to him. and i'm not sure if i'm relieved or humiliated.

10:19 p.m. - 2009-05-10

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