warpednormal's Diaryland Diary

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Let's talk about sex

I think I am a sex addict. As a matter of fact, I know I am. And I'm not even a man. As long as I can remember, I've been thinking about sex, about how it must feel like to do it with somebody. And I think that's why I fucked up. Having it with someone I didn't know, just because I was curious. I have NO respect for myself. Or maybe, I'm just not like every other female in the planet. I just regard sex and love as seperate entities of experience....like, I want to have sex. But when I think about Kurtis, I don't have a desire to have sex with him at all. All I want is to know him, know every part of who he is, how he likes his coffee, how many siblings he has, what things he wants to do before he dies. shit like that. And I think THAT's closer to love than, when I just have random sex with people I don't really care about. I can get really obsesed with past expereinces. Like I can't STOP thinking about them. Today, for instance, I CAN"T stop thinking about the mexican and its invading my thoughts and my everythings. AND THIS ALWAYS HAPPENS. every week, though, it gets worse. Because the things I do get worse. And then I CAN"T STOP THINKING ABOUT IT. I'm so scared that I"m somehow wasting my thoughts on the past, rather than thinking up useful, meaningul things. I used to. I used to think about how i was going to make a difference, spend the rest of my life working with the mentally ill, the elderly, and the homeless or whatever. But now I keep having these experiences, and they are ALL i think about.
That's why I think I'm a sex addict.
And it sucks.

10:43 p.m. - 2009-03-08

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