warpednormal's Diaryland Diary

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I saw him, Luke is his name. He's insane, a total, complete pothead. We had sex...and I have to admit, it was not bad. But I spent the rest of the week worried sick that I might now have some sort of std. I just got a pap smear this afternoon...I felt extremely embarassed because I didn't know what that was. And the doctor had to look at me like some dumbass. Which I am. I told him it was techinically my first time, but he was still being a total asshole, "if you're sexually active you HAVE to get checked". and i'm like I"M FUCKING HERE AREN"T I?
I tried to explain to him that I've only JUST become sexually active. I really do feel I have something..and its worrying me to no end. I've finally figured out what I want to do with the rest of my life, and to have this ruin me now would be absolutely impossible to handle. Oh god, I don't want to die. I have SO much left to do here. so much.

Kurtis told nenuca that he doesn't want to ask me out anymore. That I'm too busy and have too many guys after me. I practically cried when I heard that. But I went to the hospital and had a nice long conversaion with a man named N---. I know what I need to do now. I need to focus my life, my entire heart to becoming the best nurse I can be. I want to work as a home-care nurse, to develop relationships with patients. I absolutley love helping patients with the simplest things..i don't know why I find so much joy in that. Putting on their shoes or going outside to get them a newspaper...those are the real joys of my life.
But now I have to skip class next week to find out my test results. Please, oh Father Almighty, please don't let it be anything.
I vow from now on to be the best, purest, person that I know I can be.

9:42 p.m. - 2009-02-26

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