warpednormal's Diaryland Diary

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Nen just called, asking me if i wanted to go out. Sure I do, but I'm still too lazy to get out of these sweat pants and dry my hair and put shit on my face and pee and all those other lame things you have to do in order to go out in public.
not sure what i should do, spend my night alone on valentine`s day seems much too depressing to deal with right now. I always feel like I don`t deserve two fun nights in a row. =(
lalala. I should start to get ready. I`m totally excited for reading break though. its going to be sick. I joined the learning exchange program again, out of impulse, not sure why. I enjoyed it a lot last year so i was just like, fuck it, let`s do it again. But then I changed my mind the last minute and didn`t go to the orientation, and a few days later they asked that I MUST BE THERE in order to blah blah blah. And So I`m doing it again. oh well. kids are fun.

Valentine`s day makes me really contemplative. The boy is leaving town this reading break, so really I`ve got nothing except me and my mopey self. Last (wed) he accidentally brushed my hands while reaching for my cell phone. It was excruciating. It was excruciating. He`s not hot, but he is the cutest thing I have ever seen. I would literally KILL for a kiss that meant something, from him preferably. I'm craving for something real and exciting, but I'm too much of a mess to deserve that. I found a lot of the "poetry" I used to write when I was 13/14. I put one of the lyrics i found to a song, and I'm moderately happy with it. The lyrics are absolutely dreadful, but I've realized that a lot of me hasn't changed. I do however plan to truly test out my liver once again this week, without the scares. I also plan on studying. So in between puking and passing out, I`m going to make an effort to remember 60 definitions for film. yeah, its gonna be awesome.

Boom. i just realized that I can't drive, making my dependence on my father for rides all too painful when he says that he's busy. oh frick . I hate myself, I'm OLD and I still haven't taken the driving test. Mainly, because I really do have a road-a-phobia damn. it.

I feel terrible. I just went on Steven's page..the one I made out with last night. And the first message was from his girlfriend telling him how excited she was about valentine's day and how she loves him and how she'll love him forever. It made me feel like shit, worthless really. I feel bad for her..but I mean, even though she doesn't know the absolute truth, she's happy. And that's one up for her.

7:05 p.m. - 2009-02-14

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