warpednormal's Diaryland Diary

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And maybe i'm too young to keep good love from going wrong But tonight you're on my mind so you never know

so like, things are mostly on the fairly okay side. i' have however, been consumed with feelings of rejection, even thought it hasn't exactly happened yet.
i did this i guess, terrible thing, where i've imagined receiving the text from dumbo saying "this isn't going to work out. sorry" and then going through all the emotions that would result from receiving that text so that when it actually happens, i might not feel it as much.
which is ridiculous.
i also do this terrible thing where i imagine james with his new hippie girlfriend doing things that i always imagined doing with him.
and then i stop myself and remember all the countless times i tried to be myself around him, but couldn't because i was so caught up with trying to impress him with my words and my wit and my kindness. that i could barely even let my shitty and awkward self come through. i mean, shouldn't he love that part too?

anyway, dumbo makes me feel like i can truthfully be who i am. and its fucking frightening. i told him about my condition, and he said "i'd have to learn more about it. i'm not rejecting you, and this doesn't change how i see you." and i turned around and cried for 30 seconds as he rubbed my back and said he wished he knew what to say.

just say you like me.

fuck

11:45 a.m. - 2012-11-02

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