warpednormal's Diaryland Diary

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its a sign, even though i don't completely believe in that kind of bullshit

Its funny what the universe will send you...just when you think you've got your two feet finally on the ground. not that i completely believe in the whole "universe has a plan for me" kind of bullshit.

for the last month i've been planning this trip to see Fraser in Edmonton..a guy i went on a date or three here. incredibly sweet, friendly, funny, positive..and i was looking forward to getting away and thinking of something other than..everything. so, of course, he texts me last night..says he dealing with some ex-girlfriend issues and doesn't think its a good idea that i come out.

decided to meditate and see what would come out of it. i felt like crap, like the universe or god or random cosmic forces thought it would be hilarious to break my heart again and again and again.

i begged to whoever to please not allow for rejection to pass through me again, that i'm not strong enough for another experience like this. i begged. then i deleted every boy's phone number, every dating profile website...every attachment i felt to these boys

and for the first time, i felt freed, cleared, detoxified? something like that. I can't let my feelings about myself be so dependent on what another boy thinks of me.

i'm going away.

5:23 p.m. - 2012-10-17

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