warpednormal's Diaryland Diary

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i guess, as soon as eric replies, i think i'll delete myself off of that mess of a dating site. i don't mind the adventure of meeting someone new, but i really want to do well this year.

i'm doing a small study project on the rate of depression in HIV patients at a particular unit.
i'm excited.

also, we're doing pediatrics next.
i'm absolutely terrified of this.
2 years ago, my 11 year old cousin died of leukemia.
i knew him his entire life. he was so sweet, so full of innocence, so knowledgeable about all his meds and injections and strange little incisions in his small, frail body.

it was a beautiful funeral with a beautiful homily. about how there was no way he could not be in heaven right now. how he was a child of god.
i remember holding his tiny hand about a week before he died, being kept alive by the machines. holding his hand tightly, thinking my love and my breath would give him another chance. i remember watching the nurse brush his teeth, and wondering if this was a job i was really cut out for. i remember singing at his 10th birthday, it was held at a hall in a hotel because his mother knew he didn't have that much time left. and i remember eating sushi with him at the hospital and almost crying as he told the nurses what his stuffed animal was called.

i don't know.

i'm worried about the next few weeks. i have a strong connection with children, which is why i always contemplated being an elementary school teacher, but my dad always convinced me otherwise, and i want to make him proud.

but sick children. its different, i know...and i don't know. i'm just scared

10:40 p.m. - 2010-09-07

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